African Marriage Customs and Traditions—an Overview

Marriage in Africa is a colourful and joyous event. This stems from Africa’s rich culture drawn from its multiple ethnic groups as well as religious diversity which presents a wide spectrum of marital practices.

If you are considering marrying the African way or are keen to understand the African cultural expectations on marriage, then you are in the right place.

In this page we will cover the common African marriage traditions from beginning to end.

We will look at:

• Significance of marriage in the African culture
• Cultural practices before the wedding
• Traditions during the wedding ceremony
• Traditions after the wedding ceremony
• What it means to marry the African way

Let’s begin by addressing what makes marriage so important in African communities.

Significance of Marriage in the African Culture

In most African cultures, marriage is a significant rite of passage.

The majority of cultures in Africa today consider marriage as a union between a man and a woman. They see it as the foundation of the family structure, allowing for procreation and adding onto a family tree, as well as being a way to build and strengthen the community.

In this page, we will explore African marital traditions in the context of a marriage between a man and a woman.

Regional and Ethnic Diversity in Africa

It’s crucial to understand the richness of African diversity. There is no such thing as a single “African way¹” when it comes to marriage.

Africa is extensive; made up of 54 countries with unique ethnic groups.

A country like South Africa is also notably multi-racial. It has many black ethnic groups, white ethnicities, and mixed races. Some countries like Nigeria have over 250 ethnic groups. These communities have cultural norms that are distinct from one another.

Despite this, there are a lot of similarities in the way African communities handle marriage. The involvement of families, bride price negotiation, and marital expectations are practices that take place in most African communities.

Beyond traditional norms, Africa is also a multi-religious continent. Christianity, Islam, and African Traditional Religions (ATR) are the largest religious groups that influence marital practices in the continent.

All these variables are also influenced by exposure to marital customs from the Western world. This is especially true with increasing urbanisation and globalisation in most African countries.

This leads to a blend of traditional and modern wedding practices.

Traditional vs. Modern Wedding

Traditional wedding refers to wedding ceremonies conducted according to cultural expectations. Modern wedding ceremonies are formal weddings that integrate wedding customs from other cultures and modern religious and legal practices.

For example, in a modern wedding, the bride typically wears a white wedding dress. In a traditional wedding, she wears traditional attire such as colourful and vibrant Ankara prints. This can sometimes match with the groom’s outfit.

Also, at a modern wedding, a religious leader or legal representative officiates the marriage. At a traditional wedding, the community elders take a prominent role in addition to religious and civil leaders.

Most people choose to have both traditional and modern weddings. The two are often done in different times and places.

The following sections will explore traditions in a modern African wedding ceremony where traditions and modern influences are considered.

Let’s start by talking about the African traditions that come before the wedding.

Cultural Practices Before the Wedding

African marriage ceremonies are preceded by a host of ceremonies and expectations. Most of these ceremonies involve the family, and that’s why elopement is typically seen as disrespectful.

Some of these practices include:

• Spouse identification
• Bride price negotiations

Choosing a spouse

The choice of a spouse is a crucial step that must be taken carefully in most African cultures.

While physical attraction is a plus, most African traditions emphasise character and values in the choice of a spouse.

Today, most people looking for a marriage partner meet on their own in school, at work, within religious groups, through family and friends, and even online. After getting to know each other, if they decide they want to commit to each other, they’ll meet each other’s families.

This is different from the past when it was the responsibility of the parents to arrange marriages, or for a man to obtain a bride. In some communities like the Luo of Kenya and Tanzania, Himba tribe of Namibia, and Frafra tribe of Ghana, a man would kidnap a girl and then approach her family for permission to marry her, without considering the potential bride’s consent. But such practices are no longer condoned.

After the couple meets each other’s families, the parents and other responsible adults will do some research on the potential spouse by gathering information about them, their reputation, and family background.

If there are any concerns, the families may advise the couple to rethink their choice. But if everything looks good, the partners will proceed with their courtship.

When ready to start their wedding plans, they would organise a ceremony to introduce the two families.

Family Introduction

Once the couple is affirmed by their families, they make arrangements to introduce the two families.

In the past, when interaction between the opposite sex was limited, as in the case of arranged marriages, introduction ceremonies included proposals and sometimes the first meeting ever between the potential couple.

But in modern Africa, this ceremony is arranged by the bride and groom after a successful courtship. In most cases, the introduction ceremony is held at the bride’s home.

The ceremony involves the groom’s family presenting their son’s intention to marry the bride. Though the groom will have made an informal proposal to the bride by this time, this serves as the official marriage proposal, which the bride accepts in front of her family.

A successful introduction needs the following:

1. Eloquent Spokespersons

Both the groom and bride’s family require a spokesperson who understands the cultural expectations of the ceremony to lead the conversation. This is because African marital proposals are often presented in flowery and humorous speeches.

For instance, after making elaborate arrangements to host the groom’s delegation, the bride’s family may pretend that they know nothing about the groom’s family visit. In a humorous way, they can ask the groom’s family to clearly state the nature of their visit, lest they be mistaken for common passers by.

2. Gifts

The groom’s family will send money or food items in advance to cover some parts of the hosting budget.

In a different style, the Kamba people of Kenya have the groom and his delegation do the cooking at the bride’s home.

Apart from this, no other expenditure is expected during the introduction. But some valuable gifts like a ring or other jewellery can be given to the bride to signify that she’s now engaged.

3. Other Cultural Expectations

During the introduction, the bride and the groom are expected to carry themselves with utmost decorum. In most cultures, they don’t even say a word. Their family spokespersons introduce them, and then the groom’s family presents the nature of their visit.

In South Africa, among the Zulu tribe, the groom’s family writes a proposal letter to the bride’s family. The letter must be clear with their intention and future plans such as specific dates for the bride price (lobola) negotiation. This date could be a few weeks or months later.

Bride Price Negotiation and Payment

The Bride price negotiation and payment is a very important step as it shows the groom’s commitment to marrying the bride.

In African culture, the bride price, which is also known as dowry², is money or other items of monetary value given by the groom or his family to the bride’s family.

The dowry is often an indicator of the groom’s ability to provide for a family. It is also a way for the groom to appreciate the bride’s family for investing in his future wife.

While the practice of dowry payment has often been abused on some occasions, when done right, it is often a source of pride for both the bride and the groom. The bride feels valued by both her family from the price they set, and from the groom for how much he is willing to pay to marry her. On the other hand, the groom sees it as a way to prove himself and seal his commitment.

Here’s how the whole process typically goes:

1. The Negotiation Process

The groom, accompanied by a delegation of his friends and family, visits the bride’s family once again. And this time, a select team of expert negotiators from both sides are involved. These are often older members of the bride’s and the groom’s family.

The process of bride price negotiation differs across various African communities.

Typically, the bride’s family would set their price and the groom’s family would try to negotiate for a lower amount. Or, the groom’s family makes their offer and if the bride’s family is impressed, they simply accept the offer.

These practices are changing with the younger generation, focusing more on what the couple wants to go with. They are more relaxed on the amount required and the ceremony is seen as more of an occasion for the two families to bond.

Irrespective of the cultural diversity, the most important thing is mutual agreement on the set price.

2. Payment of the Dowry

Various African communities use various items as bride price.

Cattle are the most recognised items used to pay the dowry. In addition to this, other items like money, clothes, jewellery can be given. In modern and urban settings, some families accept cash only.

For example, among the Luos of East Africa, cattle is always given to the bride’s father. But, money, known as ayie ( literally means ‘I agree’), is given to the bride’s mother.

Among West African communities, kola nuts are a significant part of the bride price. This applies to countries such as Niger, Nigeria, Benin, Ghana, Sierra Leone, and Liberia.

In some instances, the introduction and the bride price negotiation is done together.

According to most African traditional customs, a couple is considered married after payment of dowry. After this, the couple can pursue three options:

• Consider this their traditional wedding and proceed to move in together
• Plan a traditional or modern wedding at a later time. (Or do both!)
• Officiate their wedding through an attorney.

It is at this point that the couple can work on religious and legal requirements, such as attending premarital counselling and applying for a marriage certificate.

All this must be done before the planned wedding day.

The following sections will cover modern wedding traditions, which is a mix of cultural, religious/civil, and legal practices.

Traditions During the Wedding Ceremony

The wedding is probably the most decorated ceremony in African marital traditions. Just like we have seen in the other ceremonies, wedding traditions³ differ across African countries.

Some people will choose to have a traditional African wedding. But in most cases, religious practices, legal requirements, and influence from the Western world lead to a modern wedding ceremony. This is usually a blend of a modern white and African traditional wedding.

Let’s look at the two types as we explore what an African wedding entails.

Bridal Team

Both traditional and modern weddings include a bridal team.

This team is selected by the bride and groom. It includes:

• Bridesmaids and Groomsmen: Male and female friends and family of the bride and groom
• Flowergirls and Pageboys: Younger friends and family of the bride and groom
• Best couple: An older couple chosen as mentors to the bride and groom
• Matrons and chaperons: Friends of the couple who coordinate the bridal team and events

They all have specific duties that add pomp and colour to the wedding. For example, the bridesmaids and the groomsmen usually are the ones to do the dancing and celebration with the couple at the reception.

They often wear colour-coordinated outfits that may accommodate specific cultural trends. This often includes a touch of African regalia or ankara.

For example, in Nigerian ethnic groups like the Yoruba and Igbo, wearing their cultural outfits at a wedding has deep cultural significance. It signifies unity, oneness, and the couple’s new, shared identity.

Adorning the Bride

In both traditional and modern African marriages, the bride must be adorned meticulously. A host of beautification rituals are practised across African communities.

One standout bride adorning ritual is the henna ceremony where her hands and the feet are decorated with henna by experts. The practice is common in East, North, and West Africa.

Apart from henna, jewellery and beads crafted in special patterns are also used for bride beautification.

Bride Picking Ceremony

This ceremony happens the morning of the wedding day. The groom and his family and friends go to the bride’s home to pick her up before the ceremony.

In some communities, the bride’s relatives may engage the groom’s team in a playful challenge when they arrive. The challenge often involves asking for certain gifts before allowing them into the home. This is intended to be fun, and is not supposed to be difficult.

In most cases, the bride’s family will prepare breakfast for the guests and bridal team to share.

This may be followed by a game where the groom is challenged to identify his bride from a line-up of ladies covered from head to toe.

Before leaving for the wedding ceremony, there can be a session for parental blessings. This could take many forms from a simple prayer to a traditional ritual like the spittle of blessings among the Maasai of East Africa.

When all is said and done, they leave together in a motorcade to the wedding venue.

The Wedding Ceremony

In Africa, marriage is for a couple. But the wedding is for the family and community. It officially brings the two families together. Thus the participation of family members is extensive and it’s often a big day. In fact, the guest list could range between 500 to 1000 people.

The wedding venue can be a church, community centre, a garden, a hall, a home, or anywhere else the couple chooses. Whatever the venue, it is always decorated with flowers and other party decor.

The ceremony begins with a procession of the bridal team. The bridal procession climaxes with the entrance of the bride.

Then the bride walks down the aisle accompanied by both of her parents to meet the groom. The officiating minister then gives a short sermon or speech. He then leads the couple to exchange their vows, sign their wedding certificates, and share other symbols of their unity. This could be anything to betoken unity such as mixing of colours in a jar to symbolise a unity that cannot be broken.

The newlyweds and the bridal team will then proceed to a guided photo session after which they join everyone on the reception ground.

Reception

The reception is always the capstone of both traditional and modern weddings. The mood is celebratory and joyous. The newlyweds are the guests of honour and the celebration revolves around them.

While the bridal team leaves for the photo session, the guests usually proceed to the reception ground. This could be in the same venue of the wedding or a different ground, usually outdoors. The venue is decorated with the wedding theme colours, tents are pitched, and music is played. It is all about celebrating the newlyweds.

Here are some specific details to consider in a reception of a modern African wedding:

1. Foods Served

The reception is incomplete without food, since food is important in African celebrations. The couple and their family and friends shoulder the budget.

The menu often includes food items that align with a blend of favourite dishes from the bride and groom’s culture.

After the food, there is always the cake.

Drinks are also served. This could range from traditional drinks to juices.

For example, among the Kalenjin of East Africa, mursik—a traditional fermented milk—is treasured. It is served both in koito (Kalenjin traditional wedding) and modern wedding receptions.

Some cultural significance and lessons are attached to the food served.

The cake-cutting ceremony is one such significant part of the process. The newlyweds cut the cake and share it with each other and everyone in attendance. This signifies unity and cooperation that is important for the new family.

Some ethnic groups like the Yoruba community of West Africa, employ the tasting of four elements. This serves to impress the realities of marriage upon the newlyweds.

The elements include:

• Sour Lemon: Signifying the disappointments that a couple can face in marriage.
• Bitter Vinegar: Signifying the bitterness and fights that a couple can face.
• Hot Cayenne: Signifying the passion and spice that crowns marital relationships.
• Sweet Spoonful of Honey: Signifying the sweetness of marriage.

In some instances, traditional practices like the pouring of libation can be performed. This is to signify a connection with ancestors. This practice, however, is only done where African traditional religion is observed. Christianity in particular tends to leave this part out, or to find another way to honour family heritage, because the Bible considers the dead to be at rest, or unconscious, and not involved in the affairs of the living.

After serving, the guests are seated in a specific seating arrangement.

2. Seating Arrangements

In traditional African weddings, the seating arrangement is organised so that the two families sit separately. The groom’s and the bride’s family must sit opposite each other. Everyone in attendance fit themselves according to their relationship to the couple. For instance, workmates to the bride will sit on the bride’s side and vice versa.

This practice has been transferred to modern weddings, though the younger generations are becoming more relaxed about it.

The parents are given special treatment and are served with dignity. While everyone else will queue to serve their food, the parents are served at their table. The couple and the bridal team is also set in such a way that they are midway from either family.

By the time the couple and the bridal team arrive from the photo session, they are given a grand welcome. This often kicks off the celebration.

3. Celebration, Music and Dance

The bridal team will enter the reception dancing to cultural wedding music. These music choices can be taken from traditional folk songs to hit songs that are trending with weddings at the time of wedding. All the guests join the trail and this continues for some time. The bridal team and the couple are the centre of attention all through the celebration in dance.

The scope of celebration often aligns with the cultural practices of the couple’s ethnic group.

For example, in Ethiopia, the newlyweds are treated as king and queen. This is done by having the couple dressed in royal apparel before they match into the reception.

In Ghana, the couple participates in a ritual known as jumping the broom. They jump over a broom together symbolising their entrance into a new life and creation of a new family.

After the dance, the bridal team sits down to eat while speeches are made.

4. Speeches

In African wedding traditions, parents, elders, community leaders, and respected guests take their time to counsel the newlyweds. The parents give their advice and wishes to the wedded couple.

Often, the speakers conclude their speeches by presenting gifts.

5. Gifting

Gifts in African weddings are given by category.

The families of the bride and groom are given a chance to present their gifts. Other groups in attendance are also considered. These groups could include friends, community of faith, and colleagues of the couple.

The gifts are often household items and money to help them establish their new home after the wedding.

Traditions After the Wedding Ceremony

When the wedding ceremony is done, the couple is expected to start their new life together.

Some of the key considerations include:

Honeymoon Traditions and Expectations

After the wedding ceremony, a couple would head to a different location or go home to start their married life.

Either way, the newlyweds are expected to consummate their marriage after the wedding.

In some cultures like among the Ankole of Uganda, the newlyweds are assigned a marriage mentor who guides them in their transition to married life. This could include guidance on matrimonial matters and just being there to answer questions.The mentors could be members of the family or in-laws.

Such duties are being done by the best couple in modern African weddings.

Interactions With In-laws

Though the newlyweds are considered a new family, they are still part of their old families. Therefore, they are expected to learn how to interact with their family and the in-laws.

In some cultures, there is a ceremony where the bride cooks for the in-laws after the honeymoon.

For instance, in the Moagha people of Burkina Faso, the bride cooks for her in-laws seven days after the wedding.

Change of Names and Status in the Society

After the wedding, a married person is considered an adult and is often addressed with respect.
They may be addressed as Mr. / Mrs., and when they get children, they are referred to as father or mother to so and so.

The new wife may take her husband’s name.

Where to Live After Marriage

In most African cultures, the wife is expected to move into the home of the husband’s family after the wedding.

Young men build small houses in their father’s homestead. In many East African communities, this is known as simba (Swahili word for Lion).

A married man can continue living in his simba after the wedding and may even raise his children there. But he must plan to establish his own homestead. His sons cannot build their simba when he is still in a simba.

A married couple is not expected to live in the same house with their parents.

In urban setups, the newlyweds often move to their own house or rent an apartment depending on their jobs, location, and earnings. Others even change neighbourhoods and start a new experience altogether.

Marrying the African Way

Marriage is one of the most cherished rites of passage in African culture. So it’s a good idea to be aware of both traditional and common practises associated with it.

But regardless of which cultural practises are included or not included in a particular couple’s marriage journey, the entire process—from finding spouses, to the wedding ceremony, and even after the wedding—is carefully planned out to ensure a solid foundation to the marriage and the new family.

When all is said and done, the couple is prepared for their new phase of life together as a unit within the community.

Each African wedding will be unique. They vary depending on the couple’s personal preferences, the culture of their specific ethnic groups, religion, and how much of Western and other global influences they want to include in their wedding.

If you are considering marrying the African way, a good first step would be to learn more about the marriage customs of your partner’s specific ethnic group and see how you can blend it harmoniously with yours.