What Does It Mean to Honour and Respect Your Elders?

Elders are an integral part of society because they raised us, they set examples in our communities, and they have a wealth of life experience to share.

In most cultures throughout Africa, respect for elders is strongly encouraged. To honour and appreciate them is considered a moral obligation for the well-being of society. They are admired because of their life experience, provision, leadership, and upholding of traditions.

Yet, many of us would like to know what respect for elders means in today’s age. What does it really look like to honour those older than us, or those in authority over us? And do we still respect them regardless of their behaviour? Or do they have to earn it? And what are the best ways we can honour them?

To answer these questions and more, this page will cover:

1. What having respect for elders truly means
2. Bible passages that discuss respect for elders
3. Why we honour them
4. Practical ways to show respect
5. How to handle those who are unpleasant or difficult
6. How to set boundaries with elders
7. Benefits of honouring our elders

Let’s start by looking at what it really means to honour those who came before us.

What Respect for Elders Means

Let’s answer this question in two parts. First, who do we consider to be our elders? And second, what does “respect” truly mean?

An elder is anyone older than you, and it can also refer to someone who has more authority. Typically, when we think of elders we think of parents, grandparents, older siblings, leaders, pastors, teachers, lecturers, etc.

Respect means to have a “feeling of admiration” or to value and esteem in a dignified way that shows we are aware of someone’s rights and wishes.¹ And this is to happen within healthy boundaries so that it is not blind obedience.

So, respecting our elders means to regard older people or people in authority with politeness, compassion, and care. It means acknowledging and appreciating their role in our lives, our communities, and our cultures.

Now let’s uncover what the Bible says about respect for elders.

Respecting Elders in the Bible

The issue of respect for elders is dear to God’s heart. He’s given counsel on how we should regard those older in years, our parents and older relatives, and those in authority.

This is especially evident in the fact that He included it in the Ten Commandments:

“Honour your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12, NKJV).

This shows that God considers this kind of respect to be essential for a loving, flourishing community.

And later on, throughout the book of Proverbs, the wise King Solomon reinforces how important it is for us to respect and gain wisdom from our elders, and the folly that can come from disregarding them or neglecting them (Proverbs 1:8-9; 3:1-6; 4:1-13; 13:1; 16:31; 19:20; 20:20; 28:7).

In fact, the theme of respect for those senior to us can be found all throughout Scripture. So let’s look more closely at a few passages from the Old and New Testaments on how God encourages us to respect different types of elders in our lives.

Respect for Those Older in Years

God instructed Israel through Moses to stand for elders and “honour the presence of an old man” (Leviticus 19:32, NKJV). This means they were to be mindful of their behaviour around and toward elders.

For example, in the New Testament, Paul asks Timothy not to “rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father…and older women as mothers” (1 Timothy 5:1-2, NKJV).

And looking at the other side of things, we can consider Rehoboam, one of Israel’s wayward kings. His folly in rejecting the elders’ counsel divided Israel’s kingdom and he ended up reigning over only two tribes instead of twelve (1 Kings 12).

Respect for Religious Leaders

Hannah prayed for many years to be able to have a child. When she finally did, she dedicated her son Samuel to the Lord at a very young age. She allowed him to live at the temple to be trained by Eli, the high priest, on how to maintain and care for Israel’s temple. And even though Eli wasn’t the best example of a religious leader at times, the young Samuel respected him and God blessed him through his obedience and diligence (1 Samuel 1-3).

On the other hand, however, we can look at the story of Korah in Numbers 16. Korah and his group publicly questioned the authority and worthiness of Moses, the leader God appointed for them. And it did not end well for Korah and those who rebelled alongside him!

Now this doesn’t mean that God is going to smite anyone who disrespects a person He has called for a certain purpose. But this story shows us that openly mocking and publicly testing the authority of a person is not likely to end favourably. There are more respectful ways to deal with doubt toward an authority figure, and God can help us in those situations as He did with Samuel.

Respect for Parents

God tells us to honour our parents, as stated in the fifth commandment quoted at the beginning. This is a basic and essential part of familial love and harmony.

The Apostle Paul also encourages children to obey their “parents in the Lord, for this is right,” and “well pleasing to the Lord” (Ephesians 6:1-3; Colossians 3:20, NKJV).

Also, going back to the book of Proverbs, we can find specific counsel for children to heed their father’s instruction and their mother’s advice, because in general, obedient children make their parents glad and it spares them sorrows that may come from poor choices (Proverbs 1:8; 10:1; 19:26-27). It’s a good principle to live by.

Jesus Himself is the prime example. Though divine, while He was living as a human child on earth among us, Jesus “was subject” to His earthly parents, Mary and Joseph (Luke 2:5, NKJV).

We can also find stories of what happens as a result of harboring disrespect or contempt for our parents. In 2 Samuel 15-18 we learn about Absalom, the son of King David, who clashed with his father and tried to undermine his authority as the ruler of Israel. Later, Absalom openly rebelled against David, which led to outright war, and his life ended up being cut short (2 Samuel 18:9-10, 14-15).

While that is a worst-case scenario, of course, when we read the whole story, we can see how seeds of rebellion and distrust can grow and fester into extreme emotions and reactive behaviour. There are healthier ways to deal with disagreement or disapproval of a parent’s ways than Absalom’s methods.

Respect for Civil Leaders

The Bible asks us to respect government leaders and those in authority within our community.

Paul asks us to “be subject to the governing authorities” (Romans 13:11, NKJV).² Can you imagine how good a society can be if respect for both law and authority prevails?

One example shows us how we can respect someone in authority even if we disagree with their conduct and motivations—even if we directly oppose them!

In 1 Samuel 13:13-4, 24:1-22, we can read about David, who was anointed to be the future king of Israel. And the current king, Saul, did not like how David was becoming more respected and popular than him. He was so jealous of David that he even tried to kill him!

But David still respected King Saul’s authority even when he was treating David so badly. David had the opportunity to retaliate and take King Saul’s life, and others close to him even encouraged him to do that. But he chose to keep his integrity and honour Saul’s position.

Respect for Teachers and Mentors

The Bible gives examples of people who respected those who helped shape their lives and decisions.

For example, we can look at Timothy, a young man who was mentored by the Apostle Paul. And because he carefully followed his mentor’s guidance, he was entrusted with significant responsibilities, including being sent to places to represent Paul and act on his behalf (1 Timothy 1:1-4; 1 Thessalonians 3:2). Paul even noted how Timothy honoured the faith of his elders, like his mother and grandmother (2 Timothy 1:5-6).

And in Paul’s final letter to Timothy before he died, he entrusts Timothy with his legacy, encouraging him to continue his work in his place, like a passing of the torch (2 Timothy 4:1-2, 5).

Next, let’s consider why we should respect these people who are older than us or in positions of authority over us.

Why We Honour and Respect Our Elders

Older people have a pivotal role in society. Some are like the first runners in a relay, waiting to pass the baton to the next group. Others are still strong and ready for another lap. Either way, their experiences make them valuable.

Here are some of the reasons to honour them:

They Are Created in the Image of God

First and foremost, our elders are individuals made in the image of God, and for that reason, they deserve the respect that should be given to every single human being.

Why is this so?

Because of all the countless and diverse things created by God, He did something special with the human race. First, He made them in His image and likeness (Genesis 1:26-27; 5:1). Second, unlike other creatures which were spoken into existence (Psalms 33:6, 9; Genesis 1), God took His time and effort to mould human beings with His own hand. Then, bending down close to the first human He made, He “breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.” (Genesis 2:7, NKJV).

In doing this, God bestowed honour upon the human race.

This is also in line with the United Nations human rights statement that “All human beings have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.”³

They Are Sentinels of Wisdom

Our elders have gained wisdom from their experiences. By honouring and respecting them, we are brought into contact with the fountain of their wisdom. We can always learn something from them.

Also, due to their varied life experiences and accumulated knowledge, elders often offer guidance to those who come behind them.

They have learned from their mistakes and their successes. And they can help us avoid things that would derail our own progress.

An old African proverb reminds us that, “What an old man can see sitting, a young man can’t see standing on a mountain tree top.” This implies that the wisdom of the elderly can see farther than that of a young man.

Even if an “elder” in your life is a younger person in authority, you can still learn from their experience and leadership.

They Are Custodians of History

Some cultures still uphold oral tradition and important things are passed down through storytelling. So elders can be like a community library, full of useful information and perspective to pass on to the next generation.

They Are Source of Love and Emotional Support

Older relatives are a great source of love and emotional support in hard times. When things are tough, they can offer counsel, cry with us, and encourage us.

And not only that.

When we support our elders, they feel valued and validated in their experiences. We can help them have a sense of security, knowing that someone appreciates them and will look after them.

A 2016 Stanford Report also shows that this kind of supportive interaction with elders helps them “experience emotional satisfaction, better physical health and cognitive performance.⁴

So it makes a big difference when we treat our elders with respect, understanding, and kindness.

Now let’s find practical ways to show this kind of respect.

Practical Ways to Show Respect to Elders

We can find a variety of ways to honour elders just by looking within our many diverse cultures. Sometimes young people show their respect by bowing to their elders. In other cultures, living a life of modesty shows respect for our upbringing.

And though it’s key to learn the acceptable cultural practices so that you do not inadvertently stand out or appear disrespectful, there are principles of respect that transcend culture, religion, race, or era.

Here are some ways we can show respect to our elders:

Spending Quality Time

Spending time with our elders shows that we value them enough to take time away from our various activities. This in turn gives us a great opportunity to ask their advice or engage in activities where we can learn from them.

Some ways we can spend time with our elders include:

• Sharing a meal
• Teaching them new skills like operating a device, learning a language, etc.
• Singing or practising music together
• Taking a walk, etc.

Through such activities, your elders will “experience the excitement of seeing the world through a younger perspective,”⁵ creating a lasting bond and memories.

Prioritising their Needs

Another way to show respect for elders is to make their needs a priority. If an elderly person gets onto a bus or enters a room that doesn’t have any available seats, we can offer a seat to them. Or we can help take them to appointments or run errands for them.

And when they are in old age and need elder care, younger people can provide for their basic needs, offer financial support, take care of what they love, or help them with larger tasks they aren’t able to do anymore.

Active Listening

Active and attentive listening is another way to show respect to elders. This may be by giving them the time to make their point and politely asking for clarification if we haven’t understood.

Doesn’t a conversation always feel more meaningful when the other person asks questions, wants to know more, or offers their own thoughts or reactions when appropriate? We can honour our elders by giving them this kind of well-deserved attention, and they can know that they have been heard.

Loving Them

Our elders may have had many more experiences than we have, but they still need love just like any human being at any point in their lives. Loving them sincerely and not for personal interest will make them feel valued and accepted. We can show them love by:

• Keeping in touch regularly
• Letting your kids engage with them
• Showing them affection
• Respecting their opinion, preferences, and choices, even if we don’t agree with them

For example, imagine you are a youth preparing for college. And you meet elders who are adamant about their traditions which promote early marriages. They never went to school and see no value in formal education. As you talk, they hint that you should focus on getting married soon, in order to be loyal to the cultural practices.

But even though you do see the value in pursuing further education, you can listen to what they have to say. And you can demonstrate to them that you understand their position on this issue. This shows them that you respect their opinion and are willing to hear them out completely.

You can acknowledge their experiences and convictions and allow time for reflection, even though your opinion might be the complete opposite.

The key is to avoid unnecessary friction, or to try to force them to change.

But you may still be wondering: How do we deal with unpleasant elders? What if disagreements are more serious than differing perspectives about college? Should we respect them despite their behaviour? And how?

Let’s find out.

How to Handle Unpleasant Elders

As hard as it can be to respect unpleasant elders, we can still treat them as we would want to be treated when we make mistakes (Matthew 7:12). By doing so, we overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21; Luke 6:27-29).

This is not to say we condone selfish, harsh, or hurtful behaviour.

But in case we do have to interact with elders who are disagreeable (and chances are likely that we will), here are some suggestions that may help to de-escalate various situations.

• Acknowledge that even our elders are human beings who make mistakes.
• Acknowledge that their beliefs exist for reasons from their own experiences—they don’t hold their opinions arbitrarily. Sometimes they might just want to feel heard or understood.
• Politely inquire why they see things differently, or what it is that makes them upset or worried. Then respectfully engage them. This will help them rethink their actions and maybe lead to reconciliation.
• In some tense situations, walking away respectfully may be the best way to help de-escalate the interaction.
• Remember, someone’s behaviour is not an excuse for our misbehaviour. So don’t lower your moral standards and sacrifice your integrity by following their example in these cases.

Love and respect, even for unpleasant elders, go a long way in melting their hearts. It may take time but it will bring results. And Jesus Christ is a good example of how to make the best of even hostile situations (Hebrews 12:3; Matthew 5:43-44; 22:15-22; 26:47-56; John 8:1-11; 18:33-38).

So let’s try as much as we can to take the initiative to be kind, sweet, caring, and respectful to all (Ephesians 4:32).

But for the occasions when even our best efforts don’t work, let’s remember that there are times when we may need to respectfully set boundaries with our elders.

How to Set Boundaries With Elders

There may be times when elders, whether parents or those in authority, make requirements or pass rules that infringe on the rights or convictions of others. By setting value-based boundaries with them, we can have a chance to stand for what is right.

For example:

What can we do if our elders require us to do things that can hurt our mental, physical, or spiritual life?

For ideas, we can learn from other people who have faced similar experiences in the past. And the Bible is a great resource for that.

Daniel Refuses the King’s Food

Daniel was a young Hebrew who was taken as a captive to Babylon. In his Hebrew upbringing, he was taught God’s principles of health which required them to eat clean meats only (Leviticus 11; Deuteronomy 14).

However, his captors, the Babylonians, “like other pagan nations, ate unclean meats, the beasts had not been properly killed according to Levitical law (Leviticus 17:14, 15), and a portion of the animals eaten was first offered as a sacrifice to pagan gods.”⁶

And later on in his life, Daniel became a trainee for service at the king’s palace. As part of his preparation, he was offered food from the king’s table (Daniel 1:1-5). However, he was convicted to stick to his healthy boundaries instead of doing something that would hinder his mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.

So “Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king’s delicacies,” nor would he drink the king’s alcoholic wine (Daniel 1:8, NKJV). Instead, he respectfully requested a diet full of vegetables, grains, and legumes, which he believed would be better for his mental and physical wellbeing.
Furthermore, he asked an official of the king to test his health and strength after ten days of eating this way (Daniel 1:12-16).

So while he did express disagreement to an official of the king, who had authority over him, he did so calmly and respectfully by offering an alternative that would have the same (or better) outcome than what was recommended to him.

Instead of just rudely refusing the king’s food, he turned it into an opportunity to not only suggest an alternative, but to allow an authority figure to put his alternative to the test.

Good Principles for Tense Interactions

We can find another good example from Daniel later on in his story, when another king’s decree infringed upon his faith.

As a diligent follower of God, Daniel was an outstanding citizen. So much so that the king wanted to appoint him as an administrator over other officials of the kingdom. However, some officials persuaded the king to pass a law that would conflict with Daniel’s faith in God alone.

This new decree forbade any kind of worship to anyone other than the king. Even so, Daniel kept openly praying to God.

But when Daniel was accused before the king of defying his authority, the king recognized that Daniel had been a faithful, responsible worker for several years and did not harbor ill will toward him. In fact, the king even went after the officials that tricked him into passing that law (Daniel 6:1-28)!

Unpleasant interactions or disagreements can be handled more easily if we already follow and respect the authority of elders in all the ways that don’t cross our boundaries.

If you are consistently faithful, respectful, and obedient to your elders in all other matters, it’s easier to discuss areas of conflict. You will have already established your integrity as a diligent member of the community, so they are less likely to feel like you are acting defiantly or rebellious.

Peter and the Apostles’ Choice to be Loyal to Jesus

We can also look at how Peter and other apostles were imprisoned for their faith in Jesus Christ and later commanded not to preach about Him. The religious elders thought they would silence them by their restriction.

But did the apostles obey their restrictions?

No.

They answered, “We ought to obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29, NKJV).

So when it comes to matters of conviction and faith or liberty, we may need to take a stand for what is right. And this begins by setting clear boundaries based on our core beliefs.

Generally speaking, however, there is much benefit for us and others when we habitually show respect to our elders.

Benefits of Respect

Respecting our elders benefits both the giver and the receiver. Here’s how:

Personal Growth

Respecting our elders stimulates personal growth. We learn to become patient, self-controlled, and emotionally intelligent by honouring elders. Also the sense of being useful to someone nurtures our self-worth.

Serving others also cultivates selflessness, which allows us to be more content in life. It keeps us from only focusing on ourselves—which can even trigger anxiety and depression if we rarely broaden our perspective to include others and their needs.⁷ No wonder the Bible encourages us to not only look out for our “own interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4, NKJV).

Habitual respect also forms character, influencing “our destiny for time and for eternity.”⁸

Promotes Mental health

Respectful interactions with our elders promotes a balanced life and brings a sense of satisfaction and usefulness, which improves our mental health.

Being willing to learn from them also helps us develop critical thinking and problem-solving skills, which are keys to success in life.⁹

Fosters Unity

Another positive impact of respect for elders is unity. Respecting elders bridges the intergenerational gap, fosters love, and creates a unifying bond in the community. Because love and respect trigger a similar response and affection from the recipients.¹⁰

Also, by respecting our elders, we set a good example for younger generations. It encourages them to value empathy, compassion, and kindness.

Respect for Elders is Still Key Today

Honouring our elders has far-reaching effects, fostering growth and strengthening relationships. By being kind and loving to those around us, we not only improve their lives, but ours too.

So even in this age, respect for our elders is still critical. And that is why the Bible upholds its importance. By being polite and patient even to those who do not always deserve it, we can win their hearts and promote a unified community.

Above all, we needed our elders in our younger years. We need to honour them in return for their contribution to our life.

Now think about the elders around and the needs they have. Then see how you can bring them comfort and hope, and cherish the moments you have with them.